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Fiction, brains, and rude stuff. - helen-louise
baratron
baratron
Fiction, brains, and rude stuff.
I haven't been writing in my journal because I've been writing (crappy) fiction instead. Apparently, I entirely lack the spoons to write coherently about my life, or to be social with friends; but I can write coherent fanfic. Go figure. I miss being extroverted whenever I flip into introversion, since it's so alien to my "normal" state, but it rarely lasts more than a few months.

Hardly anyone has apparently read my last dose of crappy fiction, so here is a link to the livejournal post that explains it. Don't worry about not being familiar with the universe, I've written it in such a way that it should be obvious who the good guys and bad guys are, and why exactly Martin spends the whole game desperately needing A Nice Cup Of Tea and A Cuddle. None of which he gets, by the way. Just more and more books.

If you're not into even vaguely erotic fiction, or if you are but are traumatised by reading it when it's been written by someone you know, or if the canon trauma and dubcon would be upsetting, then you have an excuse. I just can't believe that applies to all the people who still read my livejournal except for 3.

Still rather unwell in the head. Have been to the doctor, who suggested increasing the dose of venlafaxine very slightly, and taking a "drowsy" antidepressant to help with the sleep problems. I'm not sure if it's helping, but I do seem to have slept slightly better the past couple of days.

Also, I need a Man Who Has Sex With Men to beta-read the sex scene that I'm writing and tell me if it's plausible. Ideally a couple of different MSM who are not connected to each other. Probably not ones called Martin though, unless you can do a global search and replace before reading the document. I know it reads like gay sex written by a girl, but there's not much I can do about that.

Right now, about 95% of my sexuality is being driven by the gay man in the back of my head. It's very odd. Still not transgender though, since I'm happy enough being female most of the time.

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Comments
skibbley From: skibbley Date: 5th November 2012 11:39 (UTC) (Link)
Happy to be emailed a sex scene to read 8-)
jinian From: jinian Date: 5th November 2012 12:27 (UTC) (Link)
I just don't feel like reading it right now, sorry. Gotta do what I'm in the mood for!
baratron From: baratron Date: 5th November 2012 15:01 (UTC) (Link)
No excuse? Hehe. I suppose being away from your sweetie for N more weeks has to be a reasonable one. I've been meaning to send you postcards, but I am just crap :(

I personally am traumatised by reading erotic fiction when it's been written by someone I know. Not so much if it's fanfic, but greatly if it turns out to be about people I know. I once had to close a browser window and scream for about 5 minutes when I saw that the rather nice story I'd been reading about a couple of people who seemed vaguely familiar were actually the people they reminded me of because the story was dedicated to them argh argh!
jinian From: jinian Date: 5th November 2012 22:56 (UTC) (Link)
I'm still here for six weeks and would love a postcard any time if you're up for it. Don't stress, though. You have to take care of yourself too.

That strikes me as horrible also. Nonconsensual!
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baratron From: baratron Date: 6th November 2012 03:31 (UTC) (Link)
Hmm. Sympathy, or empathy? I don't much mind, to be honest. Except it's rather odd to find myself totally fixated on men. And, outside of the bi/poly/kinky scenes, where people are used to the idea of genderqueer and fluid gender, it would be almost impossible to explain to people how I could be feeling strong attraction to men without also being at the "opposite-sex" end of the Kinsey scale. Because the part of me that's so ragingly attracted to men right now is a man, so it's as queer as it gets.

I've often thought that if we lived in the science fiction universe where it was possible to change physical sex easily, I'd have switched backwards and forwards a few times by now. As it is, the body I have works best with the brain I have.
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baratron From: baratron Date: 7th November 2012 04:10 (UTC) (Link)
Yes. This. Exactly.

Richard is not only straight, but monogamous AND vanilla. People from outside see as as a perfectly normal heterosexual married couple. And that's so not how *I* - or even *we* - see us.

Our marriage was for the least romantic reasons possible: to confer legal next of kin status, and for avoiding inheritance tax. Our commitment was made privately to each other years ago, and affirmed every single day when he's here taking care of me.

Also, I thought I posted this hours ago. Oops.
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