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Topless men and hairy dwarves - helen-louise
baratron
baratron
Topless men and hairy dwarves
Today my stress levels are through the roof, my pain levels are through the roof, and my energy levels are through the floor. What a great combination.

Richard has been a hero over the past few days. Doing two roast dinners entirely from scratch, entirely on his own, including all the washing up two days running. I would not cope without this man. He is amazing.

Yesterday, I spent several hours looking at drawings and photos of topless men, and found it an oddly frustrating and boring experience. I was trying to find the sort of man that *I* find attractive rather than the sort of man which *fashion* thinks is attractive. I never thought I went for unconventional men before, but apparently I do. I was looking for normal men, with a little more muscle than Richard. Instead I found lots of six-packs, and pecs so prominent that they look like breasts despite being made of solid muscle. Ewww. I really do not like the artificially sculpted look.

The reason for this is that I've commissioned an artist to draw my characters Alix & Martin. She's already provided me with one picture, but Alix is so incredibly femme in it that I wanted another picture in which enough of his body is shown to "prove" that he really is male :)

Also, Tim & Peter came round, and we went to see The Hobbit. I would say it is excellent if you like either long-haired beardy men, or New Zealand trees & mountain scenery ;D Personally, I regarded it as severe eye candy for both of those reasons. Plot? Eh, I had Martin & Alix sitting in the peanut gallery of my brain, bitching and moaning about each deus ex machina rescue of the party. They figure themselves experts since Middle Earth isn't all that different to their world of Tamriel (indeed, parts of all the Elder Scrolls games are heavily based on Tolkien, like many other relatively low technology fantasy universes with magic). The phrase "oh, come on, they'd NEVER have survived that fall without magic" was used several times, as was "How does everyone recognise Thorin as the king instantly? Why did no one ever recognise me? I could have really done with knowing who I was earlier!" (Poor Martin, suddenly finding out he's the illegitimate son of the recently deceased Emperor and now heir to the throne). In a conversation that included people outside my head, we worked out that it made sense for the long-lived characters like elves to recognise Thorin because they would have actually met him or his father/grandfather before, but what of the various random others who were able to immediately identify him as royalty? Richard commented that this could be because he was taller than all the other dwarves, but I don't know.

Alix also said that it was impressive how utterly girly the male elves were (especially the blond ones) - that they made him look butch! I was annoyed that Galadriel was the only named female character in the whole movie, and indeed the only one who wasn't just an extra, and got onto the whole "Tolkien was a sexist, racist pig" rant again. Richard tried pointing out that half the dwarves could be female, but I said that it's only in Pratchett that dwarf women are indistinguishable from the men. Richard was annoyed because I kept stroking his hair and beard and chest hair, but there were hairy men on the screen! It's what happens!

We couldn't be bothered to spend a small fortune on cinema tickets, and we all hate 3D anyway, so we saw the 2D. But it was so obviously intended to be shown as high frame rate, since whole chunks of the film was insanely blurry as 2D. They clearly shot and edited it in HFR, and then just "lost" half the frames. Bah.

Tim & Peter brought us really awesome Christmas presents and I feel guilty that we got them hardly anything. I hate having no money.

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Current Mood: lethargic lethargic

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Comments
clawfoot From: clawfoot Date: 27th December 2012 20:27 (UTC) (Link)
Didn't Gimli talk to Eowyn in one of the LoTR movies about the female dwarves having beards, and that because of that, everyone thinking that there were no dwarf women, and that dwarves just spring up fully-formed from the ground? I seem to remember that. :)

baratron From: baratron Date: 27th December 2012 20:33 (UTC) (Link)
I don't know if you're joking or not! *alarmed face*
treacle_well From: treacle_well Date: 27th December 2012 20:54 (UTC) (Link)
That sounds familiar to me. I think she's not joking.
redbird From: redbird Date: 27th December 2012 22:41 (UTC) (Link)
There's something very like that in Pratchett, so people may be remembering it from there.
clawfoot From: clawfoot Date: 27th December 2012 22:47 (UTC) (Link)
Nope, not joking! It happened during the exodus to Helm's Deep. Gimli was getting so into his story that he nearly fell off his horse when he talked about dwarves "springing forth fully-formed from the ground!"

I have seen these movies so. Many. Times. :)
baratron From: baratron Date: 29th December 2012 20:15 (UTC) (Link)
So wait. Is that also in the original book, or is it a retcon by Peter Jackson to make LOTR more palatable for modern audiences, who are going to be wondering where all the women are?
submarine_bells From: submarine_bells Date: 1st January 2013 10:30 (UTC) (Link)
I'm pretty sure I recall it being mentioned in the appendices of LOTR. Someone keener than me will have to look it up though... I've just today returned from a trip to NZ to visit Hobbiton (among other places) and am horribly tired and jetlagged.
mongoose_bite From: mongoose_bite Date: 27th December 2012 21:53 (UTC) (Link)
whole chunks of the film was insanely blurry as 2D.

Argh what? I hate 3D. I always see everything in 2D. Now I am annoyed. Maybe I won't bother seeing it if it's just going to be blurry.
baratron From: baratron Date: 27th December 2012 22:46 (UTC) (Link)
We were just pissed off that it wasn't possible to get the high frame rate version in 2D. That was the problem. Intense battle scenes were just blur and sword-clashing noises.

I don't know, it was probably no more than 15 minutes out of the 2 hours 40 minutes that were unwatchable? But that was enough to annoy me.
nitoda From: nitoda Date: 29th December 2012 09:48 (UTC) (Link)
Ah -that probably explains why I didn't notice it. I tend to switch off during battle scenes, of which, to my mind, there were far too many. I get bored in the battle scenes. The rest of it was ok, but I haven't read the book for many a long year.
baratron From: baratron Date: 29th December 2012 20:14 (UTC) (Link)
Me too! Which is why my Epic Fantasy Novel contains relatively few battle scenes, even though some degree of fighting is integral to the plot. I hate writing them because I hate reading them - coordinating that many bodies is difficult. Hell, it's even difficult writing a threesome when you're used to writing normal couple erotica ;) There's this extra person flapping around and you have to figure out what he's doing! *giggle*
nitoda From: nitoda Date: 29th December 2012 21:11 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, and nobody ever tells you where their elbows are - which is often the hardest thing in practice. ;-)
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