helen-louise - My Life In March 2014
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My Life In March 2014
I haven't been feeling very successful in my life lately. I came back from Canada and collapsed in a heap of exhaustion and/or depression. No idea which. Possibly both. The thing is, I have an overwhelming feeling that it's depression due to physical health problems rather than my mental health screwing up.

I didn't mention this earlier, but I had my thyroxine dose increased just before I went away. My TSH level was 4.something (I wrote it down, but I've no idea where I put the piece of paper - 4.7, perhaps?). It was high enough to be in the range where even the NHS would advise another test in 6 months if I wasn't already on thyroxine. In this situation it was a clear indicator that my thyroxine dose wasn't high enough any more. Still, I was only on 25 mg, which is nothing.

I have a feeling that when my thyroid is working less awfully, I will feel better in all sorts of ways. Not sleeping for more than 12 hours a day would be nice. I've had a few days where I've slept for 10 hours, woken up, eaten something and taken meds, and then gone back to sleep for another 6 hours. I've had a few more days where I've slept for 4 hours and then woken up wide awake and been entirely unable to get back to sleep.

I have done NOTHING with regards to College work. I have done NO WRITING for pleasure since 6th January, except that today I managed to produce 900 words, of which about 700 are good. I owe BiCon an Access Report and am actually rather grateful that Jennifer has been on my back about it, because it shows that the BiCon team takes access seriously.

I haven't read any books in weeks. I've read some fanfiction online, and also some short fiction by Sarah Monette, who is rapidly becoming one of my favourite authors. And also this by Elizabeth Bear (which made me cry my eyes out) and this by Marissa Lingen, courtesy of elisem who makes necklaces which people write about.

About all I've done constructively lately is play Animal Crossing: New Leaf. And, this weekend, I took part in the beta of The Elder Scrolls: Online, which was actually about 100 x more fun than it should have been considering it's (a) an MMO with a monthly fee and (b) messing up some of the established Lore of the universe. Today I did a small amount of posting of information to the UESP wiki. But in general, life has been relentlessly awful and exhausting, even though nothing much has happened.

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Current Mood: indescribable indescribable

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nitoda From: nitoda Date: 4th March 2014 12:47 (UTC) (Link)
Hope something changes for the better soon for you. I was very down a few months ago but have been having some counselling which has really helped. I've been advised to look at something called self-compassion. Also re-reading stuff about attachment theories. There was a LOT of disruption to attachments in my childhood what with moving to different parts of the UK every 5 years or so!
Would having some counselling of some kind be a useful option for you? I've been reading good things about "solution focused brief therapy" recently.
Not for a moment discounting real physical medical conditions, of course, just wondering if talking therapy might help you get some clarity and new directions/thoughts perhaps?
baratron From: baratron Date: 4th March 2014 18:35 (UTC) (Link)
I see or talk on the phone to my Disability Mentor every Friday for an hour. Disability Mentors have different training depending on whether they are study skills mentors or mental health mentors - mine is a psychologist who is trained to support students with depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder. I tend to talk to her about everything in my life because I don't generally need help with organisation. If I can't work or get started on a project it's almost always because my head isn't in the right place. So I feel I have that pretty well sorted.

I'm genuinely not aware of any intrusive thoughts or obsessions that are blocking me from getting started right now, which is why I'm pretty certain it's energy levels. I've got more done in the past 2 days than I had in the past 2 weeks before it, though, so let's hope I'm starting to recover.
nitoda From: nitoda Date: 5th March 2014 12:18 (UTC) (Link)
Ok, it's good you have somene to talk to. Fingers crossed for your recovery. *hugs*
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helen-louise
User: baratron
Name: helen-louise
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