January 17th, 2002


writing through a cloud of brain-fog

[revised & reposted]

Lately I've been becoming increasingly reclusive. Not only have I not written much in ages again, either here or in email, I haven't even been reading livejournal. (On Sunday, I had to go back to friends?skip=400 before I saw anything I'd seen before). I haven't been out socialising anywhere near as much as usual, and I've only been phoning a handful of the people who I am closest to in real life.

I don't mean to be antisocial. I don't mean to neglect my friends. I just feel like a hermit at the moment - I don't want to go out particularly and I don't want to be around people. The main reason for this is that I'm having bad brain problems at the moment. I am perpetually tired, confused and have very poor concentration. Moreover, I'm having trouble with words, which makes written communication not fun.

I know that some of this is my normal depression flaring up and some of it is stress, but I don't know how much of it is due to which cause. In addition, I have been (and still am) suffering terribly from a lack of motivation with regard to almost everything. This is making me feel like a bad person, because I can't see how much of my can't-be-arsed-ness is due to biochemical brain crap that I can't help and how much is me being lazy, which I can.

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