( Collapse )
I've been talking about starting to use a wheelchair, and some of my friends' reaction has been "Oh my God - I hope it doesn't get that bad!". And I'm like - it's already
that bad. I can't walk reliably round the flat most days, let alone out in the street - and certainly not out in the street by myself, today proved that. I see a wheelchair as a wonderous thing that will let me have some semblance of a life, rather than a terrible thing that I will be stuck in. To be honest, the biggest problem I'd have with using a wheelchair would be other people's reactions. I am just so depressed and unhappy from not being able to go out, like I said, even just down to the bank to pay a bill - never mind whether or not I have the money, I can't get there. I'm completely dependent on Richard or Alexa or other friends to do everything outside the house.
If this is actually ME or chronic fatigue syndrome, then it's probably not a good idea for me to do very much - but I need to be able to do something
, even if it's just being wheeled down to look at the flowers in the park. It's really hard to explain. I've been virtually housebound by depression before, and that pissed me off, but at least I didn't want
to go out very much. Whereas now, I want to be able to get on with my job and my degree and my normal everyday life, and I can't. I actually would really like to be able to do my job, but it puts me in too much pain to get there: I don't hold a driving license and even if I did, I'm not sure I'd be safe to drive in this uncontrolled condition; and it's just not practical to have someone else drive me in.
Okay, that's enough moaning - no more sympathy, please, just practical suggestions :) Anyone who wants to bring me dinner over the next few weeks is welcome, if you call me to arrange logistics - if you don't have my number email me for it. Don't care who comes, really, just come and keep me company. Oh yeah, I should warn you it's a tip, because I don't want to spend the small amount of energy I do
have on cleaning up, but if anyone is particularly bothered by it, you can come and clean for me :)