March 13th, 2003


pain and discomfort (are not the same thing)

Cold, cold, cold. It's bloody cold today. Had to put the heating back on, and my hands and feet are like little blocks of ice. Still, Alexa came round with the CAR! so I have been out of the flat and seen large amounts of south London, which is... not often pleasant, but is when you've been stuck inside for too long.

Back home, I'm procrastinating getting stuff together for my doctor's appointment tomorrow. Somewhat afraid that my wonderful "doctors not taking me seriously" history will repeat itself, feeling like a ninny for not just going to see any old doctor there, worried about how many blood tests I might need doing and how many months it'll be to get a diagnosis. I worry too much, and thus I procrastinate - because if I sit here and play The Sims or talk on irc for an hour, that's another hour in which I don't think about my illness (very much).

I am also terribly afraid of saying the wrong thing and thus getting the wrong diagnosis. Especially of saying the wrong thing and then getting the wrong treatment, which could potentially make something else worse. The most difficult part of this is that I entirely lack vocabulary to describe the most important parts of what is going wrong with me. Collapse )
opinion, eye


Now that was... not what I was expecting.

My doctor reckons that 90% of the symptoms I've been complaining about are due to something called hyperventilation occulta, or unseen hyperventilation. I am unconvinced. Exceedingly unconvinced. But reading about it on the web, it does seem to be a real thing.

I didn't think I hyperventilated, but apparently you're only supposed to breathe 12-14 times per minute. What? I normally breathe at least once per second. You mean that's not normal? I'm sitting here now trying to breathe only through my nose, and finding it really damned hard - I think normally I breathe through my nose and mouth together. I feel as though I'm not getting enough oxygen, and desperately wanting to open my mouth and gasp for breath, but apparently that's the worst thing I could do.

How am I supposed to learn to breathe a different way? (Semi-rhetorical question - one of the links above talks about a course for people with asthma to learn to stop hyperventilating). Huh.