January 30th, 2005

dino

peem! (That's "meep" backwards...)

Been having a very surreal couple of days with Ryan / hoopycat - lots of long conversations, and the kind of riffing off each other's sentences that people can do in person but that doesn't really work well on the net, where you can't see tone of voice or body language unless you already know the person really well. Topics of conversation included liquid nitrogen, whether Jones' Soda's "Fufu Berry Soda" was transparent or translucent (along with a complete letter that Ryan was considering sending them), music, cats, pasta sauce, cute spiky-haired boys, and other things that I really wanted to make into lj entries at the time but which I can't remember in enough detail now to write down (typical). Ryan is really fucking special, and Dawn and Renée are lucky to have him.

If I wasn't already certain of this by the way he managed to cope with me having a complete emotional meltdown yesterday, today there was an ice storm in Atlanta, and my flight got cancelled. Having already got up at 5 am to drive me to the airport, he decided to drive me to Boston instead. That's 6 hours in each direction, people. I am totally and utterly beyond touched, I'm all the way into completely overwhelmed.

Now feeling somewhat melancholy, because my time in the US is almost over, and there are still tons of people here (and in Canada) I really want to see and spend some/more time with, but at the same time I really need to get home, to my own bed and usual routine. In this day and age when we have such great communication and it's possible for a sad geek to find other people like her all over the world, is the world bigger or smaller? I'm certainly glad to have found so many other people like me, but a couple of days every couple of years with them just isn't enough. I need that transporter invented, damnit.

alt.polycon 13? You betcha. Along with San Francisco and Seattle, and maybe a few other bits if they fit in with my plans. Anyone taking Paypal registrations, kightp?
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    I'm not the only one with mixed emotions...
bi_pride

Lies of Adulthood

Oh yeah. This is unrelated to my previous entry except that it was one of the things we were talking about: Great Myths of Adulthood.

One of the ones that I remember vividly is being told as a teenager that "crushes" on people were a normal part of adolescence (ok so far), but also something you grow out of when you start having "proper", "adult" relationships. Now, I dunno about anyone else, but I consider this one of the biggest lies I was ever told. It bothers me far worse than Santa Claus or anything like that, because it did me actual harm. According to the lie, as soon as I became an adult and started having proper reciprocated relationships, I'd stop having random feelings for people I didn't necessary know very well. But this never happened - my attraction circuits never shut off. So I spent 3 years trying to do monogamy and thinking that I was broken or not trying hard enough because I was still attracted to people apart from the person who was supposed to be my partner.

The reason I'm polyamorous now is because I realised that trying to do monogamy breaks me - I can either lie to myself about how I'm feeling (and make myself miserable), or lie to my partner about what I'm feeling (and make them miserable). But the crush thing isn't limited to people who seem to be wired for non-monogamy - even monogamous people in happy, committed relationships still have occasional weird strong feelings for other people who might be unobtainable and with whom they know full well a relationship might never work. So what's going on there? And crushes can go on for years. I've had a local friend who I've had a crush on in one sense or another for going on 9 years - but we've never tried to have a relationship because it so clearly wouldn't work. Common sense doesn't stop the occasional wistful feeling, though.

So why do parents or teachers insist on lying to teenagers? Is it all tied up with the myth of The One True Love? (everyone has a soulmate who is their Other Half, and they need to meet that person to become Whole, and once met they should never be parted etc etc yadda yadda puke). Is it desire to help the teenager get through a difficult couple of years, or designed to harm the young adult who finds themself taking a different path? Or wishful thinking on the part of a parent who has been happily married for 20 years? (yeah right, how many of us had them?).

I dunno.
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