February 26th, 2007


missing people who don't exist

Less ill, but still very sad. I was hoping the depression would have gone away by now, or at least eased a bit. If anything, it's worse. There's a whole load of nebulous feelings that I can't put words to yet.

Last night I went to bed early and slept until very late - because I was depressed and couldn't find anything I wanted to do, rather than because I needed the sleep. And I had a dream that, rather than being an only child, I was one of the middle children of 8. My parents were not quite the parents I have in real life, and it was not quite the world we currently live in - nor was it the one I grew up in. But now I feel even more lonely, because I'm missing the siblings I had in the dream who don't exist.
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    sad sad
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oh great

First day out of the house since last Friday, and some asshole sprayed vinegar into my face when I was walking down the road. And my brain wasn't working well enough to get the car's registration number or anything useful like that.

I was walking up the main road from work to the bus stop, passed under an overhanging tree, and suddenly there was all this fluid in my face. I started to wipe it off, thinking it was from the tree (you know how, when it rains, trees can store up quite a lot of water to be unceremoniously dumped on you later?). Looked round at the car that was passing, wondering how it had managed to splash water from the road up into my face. I carried on walking and wiping my face - then I realised it was vinegar from the smell.

I'm just angry that I fought the initial impulse to memorise & write down the car's registration number because I thought it was an accident. Had I written down the number and it was an accident, I could have just thrown the piece of paper away - but as it is, I'm missing the one useful piece of information I could pass onto the police. And the vinegar solution was strong enough that by the time I got home (about 15 minutes later) my face was actually stinging. Vinegar is an acid - admittedly, not very strong - but if someone's driving around squirting vinegar into strangers' faces, who knows if they'll graduate to something more actively noxious?