June 23rd, 2010


This explains A LOT.

Been feeling very rubbish for a while now - maybe a week, maybe 10 days. Not sure when it started. Depressed, and exhausted, with no brain to do anything with. I haven't been around livejournal "as me" - I've only been reading UK politics/lolitics stuff, because I haven't felt at all social or able to deal with real world stuff.

Finally came to the conclusion today (literally a few minutes ago) that I'm suffering from the early stages of hyperventilation occulta again. Haven't tried timing how fast I'm breathing (because that requires another person to do the counting), but my usual symptoms are all there:

  • weird, nagging depression for no reason despite being on the right dose of meds

  • permanent dragging exhaustion that doesn't improve

  • sore throat on and off for no reason; cold symptoms without an actual virus

  • have felt too tired to talk to people on the phone for pleasure

  • can't sleep at night, feel like I haven't slept when I wake up again

  • having annoying wooshing noises in my head for hours on end (think it's my own blood pressure, but I don't USUALLY hear it)

  • headaches

  • feeling out of breath and strained in my neck and shoulder muscles (this was the thing that made me finally realise)

I don't know why this would have happened, except that I've had ridiculously bad allergies lately (and a ridiculously dirty house), keep forgetting to take my meds properly, and have had lots of student-teaching hours, which means lots of talking. Not breathing properly, too much talking, expelling too much carbon dioxide - that's what causes chronic hyperventilation syndrome to flare up.

If I go on like this without changing something in my lifestyle, I'll end up too ill to walk - or indeed do anything again. Which I don't want to happen. Obviously.

Fortunately, it's almost the end of the academic year for the students (last exam is on Monday 28th), so that'll help with talking too much. Doing my damned breathing retraining physiotherapy will also help (yes, like so many other people with long-term disabilities, I only do the physiotherapy I'm supposed to do all the time when there is an actual problem. Yes, I suck). I'll have to start doing the acute attack thing of taking 5 minutes every hour to concentrate on my breathing and rebreathe exhaled air for a while. It's stupidly embarrassing - but I guess better than ending up housebound.

Sigh. Or rather, no sighing - can't afford to do that, it loses too much CO2.
rainbow chemistry geek

These molecules are breaking my brain!

Two HSP90 ligands I found today: NP4 and NP5.

What's wrong with them? Well, "normal" sizes for rings in organic chemistry are 3, 5, 6 and 7 carbon atoms. 3 carbons form a triangle, which is thermodynamically unstable because of the strain in the bonds (carbon atoms with all single bonds usually have bond angles around 109.5 degrees, and in a triangle they're closer to 60 degrees) - but common in nature, especially if stabilised by some other rings adjacent. 5, 6 and 7 carbon atoms are stable because there is no ring strain, and form very easily because it's a relatively small number of carbons to have to wrap around to form the ring. As the number of carbon atoms increases, the probability of ring formation decreases, because it's too far for the first and last carbons to "find" each other.

By the time you're up to a single ring of 13 carbon atoms, the molecule looks quite ludicrous. It looks to me like a normal molecule with two 6-membered rings, where someone's taken one of the rings and pumped it up with a cycle pump!