April 11th, 2012


Everything is hideous, please send chocolate.

So wrecked right now. So very emo.

Went to the doctor on Friday 23rd March to discover that the reasons why she wanted me to reduce my dose of trazodone had nothing to do with its sedating effect. No, the reasons given were:

a) It's an "older medication" and now that the "older generation of GPs" has retired, there "aren't enough people in the practice who are familiar with prescribing it". Um.

I don't know what you think about this, but my reaction was Collapse )

b) It's the last medication that was added, so it should be the first medication to be reduced. Collapse )

So, yeah, I am pissed off.

Increased my dose of trazodone back up to 100 mg, and started feeling better almost immediately - but now I'm back to feeling shitty again, and don't know why. Definitely anxious. I "have" to be reading fiction or playing video games all the time because I stress out as soon as I think about things. My sleep patterns are entirely dysfunctional and inverted relative to the time zone that I'm in. I think that I need to find a new physiotherapist (yes, physio- not psycho-) since my old one retired, and the NHS in this area don't have anyone specifically trained in chronic hyperventilation. I've reached the point where I go to bed and can't fall asleep for hours because I can't relax because I can't breathe. And then I can't wake up because I've been having nightmares all night because my breathing is messed up. It's all very circular.

Also I've been doing a bit more tutoring for money (2 students per week rather than 1 - but that's 8 hours per week rather than 2), and it's also fairly obvious that the extra talking is not helping at all. I explained very clearly before I started why I couldn't go to the student's house, but now I'm getting emotional blackmail on me to go there. This should be easy enough to dispense with logic, but the mother "conveniently" loses the ability to understand English. I don't need this shit!

I'm pretty sure that the key is better breathing. I think that's at the root of everything.

But oh - how stressful it is having to try to find a new physiotherapist when you're already too stressed to function :(