We went to see "Return of the King" yesterday (about bloody time, some of you are thinking - but we wanted to leave seeing it until the hysteria had died down). It was... a film, kinda geeky, completes the trilogy, and all that. But it occurs to me that while the first film was an advert for the beauty of New Zealand, this one is an advert for the joys of... long-haired beardy men!
Think about it. How much of the screen time is devoted to long-haired beardies, frequently in leather and/or chains? We have the entire range, from Aragorn himself (young(ish), handsome(ish), dreamy, often needing a wash), King Theoden (regal, elegant, kinda tubby), to Eomer (who I thought was King Theoden's guard, so little was his part - but hot damn, that man was sexy!). There's even Gimli, for those who prefer the bear look (and bears everywhere stop reading my journal in disgust). All in all, I reckon that more than half the film (that's 100 minutes, fact fans) is devoted to shots of brave, handsome, long-haired beardies being - brave, handsome, long-haired and beardy. Hrm.
What does this mean? Well, after watching this advert for several hours, I left the cinema desperate for some long-haired beardy action. Fortunately, the guy in front of me was complete with long brown hair, a beard, and even wearing leather, so I pounced on him and demanded he come home with me. Fortunately, he already lives with me, so he didn't have to go out of his way. But I did seriously wonder about Peter Jackson's motives. While it does not surprise me to discover that he could in fact star in one of his own films, I do wonder whether anyone likes beards enough to make a lengthy, extended documentary about them.
Or maybe he really has been turned down for a date that often, and is thus driven by a burning desire to present the long hair & beard combination as the new look for the new millennnnium. Hmm.
Richard has just walked in with a bottle of juice that has a random inscription on it even by innocent standards. It says:
Beards are a constant source of wonder to us here at Fruit Towers. Where do they come from? Are they all coiled up inside boys' faces? How can someone be all nice and clean-shaven one day, and then the next day they look like Uncle Jessie? It's one of nature's greatest miracles, so we never stop to think about whether or not beards are in fashion, we just allow the beard to be. Please join us, and drink up your smoothie so that one day your beard will also be in the rudest of vitamin-filled health.