helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

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Hmm, well, I haven't written anything in here for a few days. Mostly because I've been pretty down and not felt up to communication with the outside world.

Monday was a blur. For various reasons, I hadn't been into college for about five weeks, nor read my college email account, and people in my department were starting to get worried about me. They'd left messages on my answerphone the week before, and I'd been meaning to call and explain where I'd been (I'd had weird sleep patterns for a couple of weeks, then my back decided to play up so I couldn't move, then I was in the US, then depressed. I got back from Seattle and slept for three days, then didn't go out of the house for a couple more. I only realised on Thursday, a week after I got back, that I'd been in a bad depressive episode and not noticed). So I had to call and say what was going on. I was on the phone for about 45 minutes explaining it all, then we went out to eat pizza, and then I went to bed and slept for a couple of hours. I woke up again about midnight, ate some food, watched the aforementioned "Friends" video, did some online stuff, then went back to bed.

On Tuesday we went to Coral Reef in Bracknell, a leisure pool with river rapids and water chutes. It was quite good fun - there was a lot more there than I'd remembered from the last time I went (about 10 years ago, iirc). We spent a couple of hours there splashing around. I really like being in a big pool of warm, shallow water - I find it very relaxing.

On Wednesday, we had to go shopping to get clothes for the funeral. Richard was easy - he's a standard fit, so we just went into the menswear bit of Marks and Spencer. I picked out two suits that I liked: one grey, and one navy, and he decided to go with the navy one. Finding clothes for me was a bit harder, because the shops that cater for short people assume you're thin as well, and the shops that cater for fat people assume you're also tall. We tried all of the women's suit shops and department stores in Kingston before finding anything that fitted me. Eventually, I found three dresses and a black jacket, and bought them all, on the basis that I'll be needing smart clothes for job interviews and such like pretty soon. In the evening, Eddy came round, and we played Vib Ribbon.

Yesterday, Richard and I were both very down. We basically stayed in bed all day, and only got up in the evening. Thursday night is icsf bar night, so we rang around a few people to find out what pub they were in and went there. We ended up in the Mad Bishop and Bear in Paddington station with Adam, Beth, Billy and Alan.

Today we haven't done much at all. Just sat around feeling floppy. We've been fighting a little bit because Richard and I have very different ways of dealing with grief - I fall apart and get terribly clingy, whereas he likes to distract himself with other things. It's just starting to sink in that his mum's really dead, and we're both hurting. I think we'll try to see some friends tonight, as we both feel better around other people, but there's (another) train strike today so I'm not sure how we'll get into London. Hmm.

It looks like the funeral won't be before next Wednesday. Apparently the Belgian officials didn't do the paperwork in a way that the British officials liked, so everything's delayed. Richard's sister is back home now and his dad is staying with his brother (Richard's dad's brother that is - Uncle Hug).

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