helen-louise (baratron) wrote,
helen-louise
baratron

About me, in handy buzz-words.

10 handy labels that you can hang on me to know what I'm like:
1. Geek.
2. Queer.
3. Polyamorous.
4. Bisexual.
5. Childfree.
6. Disabled.
7. Intermittently asexual.
8. Vegan.
9. Non-smoker.
10. Londoner.

You'll notice that a lot of these words are to do with sexuality and gender. Actually, my gender and sexual orientation is quite simple - my friends can spot anyone in the street that I'll be attracted to even before I've seen the person! It just takes a lot of words to describe.

Geek is perhaps the most important identity in my lexicon. It defines not only what I enjoy doing (science, computing, gaming) but also the way my brain works. All of my friends are geeks to some extent. They are scientists, engineers, programmers, hackers, video gamers, role-players, science fiction fans, rocketry enthusiasts and crafters. People I know take stuff apart for fun, and usually even manage to put it together again. People I know read voraciously, and make things - music, artwork, jewellery, clothing. Some of them are even writers, and not just on livejournal.

I have a chemistry degree. I teach science. I read science fiction and fantasy. I read Wikipedia for fun. I like playing with computers & the internet. I play video games. I like anime. I can read Braille because of Pokemon puzzles, and I'm learning Japanese so I can read my import games. Yeah, I'm a geek.

Geek also describes my gender. I don't do well with traditional Western gender roles. I think that gender is a social construct, and there's far more genders than the two biological sexes. Most of the time I'm happy to have a female body, but in truth I'm somewhat transgendered. I have days when I'm more male and days when I'm more female, although you'd rarely know from looking at the outside. I dress like an engineer - t-shirt, slacks & boots. Right now my hair is long, but I might cut it very short again. "Girl" fits me much better than "woman".

I am queer because I'm not heterosexual. As my gender is fluid, so my orientation is fluid. When I feel particularly female, I'm attracted to women, and when I feel more male, I'm attracted to men. I identify as bisexual assuming that it means "attracted to more than one gender", although a better description could be geek-sexual. I like pretty male-bodied geeks, and pretty female-bodied geeks, and tomboyish female-bodied geeks, and androgynous any-bodied geeks. I don't like conventionally-feminine women because I don't understand them, and am actively repelled by conventionally-masculine men.

I violently resent some people's assumptions that bisexuals "can't decide" or don't exist. I've known I was bi since I was 12.

I am polyamorous. This means that I have multiple romantic relationships at the same time, with everyone involved knowing and consenting to it. Poly is a very important part of my self-definition. As a younger person I spent several years thinking that I was defective because no matter how much I loved my partner at the time, I'd always find myself falling in love with other people. I knew that other people didn't find that, and thought I didn't "try hard enough" in relationships. Of course, this completely messed up my already fragile self-esteem. pir tried to tell me about polyamory, and one day it just clicked for me that that's how I should do things.

Right now I have 2 partners. My life-partner is Richard, wuzzie (although he doesn't use his livejournal). We are basically like an ordinary married couple, except I'm not monogamous. My secondary partner is otterylexa. Richard & Alexa get on well and even do stuff together without me (usually highly geeky).

Despite being very interested in relationships, I go through periods of having very little interest in sex. Hence I'm intermittently asexual. This does not negate my being bi or poly.

I am childfree by choice. This often confuses people who know that I'm a teacher. But I don't particularly dislike children. I just don't want any.

I think that's officially all the sexuality & gender stuff done. Woo. The only other complication is the medical stuff, of which I have lots. It ranges from crappy joints (osteochronditis/Osgood-Schlatter syndrome, "tennis elbow") to crappy spine (scoliosis) to breathing issues (asthma, hyperventilation occulta) and psychiatric disorders (major depressive disorder, premenstrual dysphoric disorder). I am currently Officially In Recovery from depression thanks to the wonders of cognitive behavioural therapy, though I'll be on antidepressants for life because a) my neurotransmitter levels are permanently fubared, b) PMDD sucks. Right this very minute I have an evil gall bladder from hell, but I am hoping to have that removed in October.

I am vegan mostly for medical reasons. It is best for my body. I am a totally non-militant vegan - I don't particularly care what other people eat, as long as they don't hassle me about it. Likewise, I don't consume alcohol or caffeine because they don't agree with me, but I hardly care that other people do. (Yeah, I can just imagine Richard without strong black coffee, Coke & Dr Pepper!). The only thing I am militant about is smoking, because smoke of any type prevents me from breathing, and I rather like being able to breathe. It is difficult for me to be close friends with a smoker.

Having spent all these words on describing my oddities, my actual life is pretty simple. The important things in my life are, in no particular order: music, books, my friends, restaurants, good food, video games & travel. I enjoy rollercoasters and water parks. I like words, puzzles and anything that's intellectually pleasing to me. If you're interesting, I'll talk to you.
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