helen-louise (baratron) wrote,
helen-louise
baratron

  • Mood:

bad-tempered & not-coping

I am feeling lonely and broken and my gall bladder is twingeing. Stupid fucking thing - has it not eaten enough of my life already? I feel depressed. I'm not even sure why - I can't pull out & identify any actual negative thoughts. There's just a big grey cloud sitting gloomily at the back of my head making nagging sadness, and I can't really concentrate on anything.

My gall bladder just has to stay stable for 2 more weeks, that's all. My hospital appointment is on 6th October. That isn't long. I just have to keep taking the painkillers whether I think I need them or not, and take it even more easy than I have been (does that make grammatical sense?!). Stop worrying about work & the students & housework - my own health has to take priority.

But it's awfully difficult when I get back from hospital and find that Richard's been coping so badly that the house is the same fucking tip that it was before I went in, only with an extra week's worth of detritus. Surely I am not the only person in this house who can load up the washing machine or dishwasher or run a vacuum cleaner around the place?

I don't really know what I'm getting at here.
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