helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

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I Rock.

I want to boast about something.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the bath washing my hair because we don't have enough hot water for me to shower, and I had a flashback. (By "flashback" I mean in the trauma sense, suddenly reliving the terrifying event.) It was a combination of the pain I was in (my gall bladder was severely cramping, sending the cramps all round my digestive system), the stark white tiles on the wall, and claustrophobia - our bathroom is tiny anyway, and so is our bath. Suddenly terrified and panicking, I wanted to leap out the bath and collapse in a sobbing mess on the floor.

What I actually did was stay put, forcing myself to breathe normally and see what was actually there - that I was at home, in my own bathroom, there was no one there to hurt me. I cried a bit and rocked a bit, but I got through it, and finished washing my hair - just constantly focusing on the present.

The flashback is lurking at the back of my mind. It's not happy that I derailed it. It wants to take me over.

I won't let it. I am Wolf. Hear me roar.

(*hugs* and blank comments are ok if you don't know what to say.)
Tags: mental health, my evil gall bladder

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