helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

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A Very Merry Tweenie Christmas

I have found my own personal hell.

Was in Wimpy today. Before you start mocking me, I should point out that a) I am British, and b) the Wimpy in Teddington is next to the bus stop, and they do jacket potatoes with baked beans & can understand me when I say NO BUTTER.

So there I was, sitting in Wimpy, and guess what was playing over the tinny stereo? Christmas music. But no ordinary Christmas music. The really tacky sort, like "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree".

But it wasn't just tacky. It was also sung by children. No, wait a minute - by adults pretending to be children. With put-on high-pitched squeaky voices and lots of cringeworthy giggly stuff about "I can't wait to see what Santa's brought me!!". The kind of thing that makes me morbidly embarrassed (preschool TV was never that embarrassing when I was a child).

But it was worse than that, even. Not only were they adults with fake preschool voices, but also fake American accents! I know they were fake because the vowel sounds were decidedly Southern England drama school English, even if they were attempting to drawl some of the consonants. I don't believe any Americans would sing the line "Sanda Claus is come in to town". I can only presume that they were forced into the fake Americanism by some producer who thought they sound perkier!! and more Disney that way...

Welcome to the joy that is Merry Christmas With The Tweenies. Well, it might not've been the Tweenies - it could've been the Boobahs or some other show where adults dress up in costume and pretend to be preschool children - but you get the picture. I sat there through three increasingly bad Tweenie-ised Christmas songs, and then a Tweenie-ised version of "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" came on. I ran for the door with my hands over my ears, screaming like a banshee.

Well, no, of course I didn't - I'm far too British. I paid for my potato and left quietly, without even complaining. (I save that for livejournal). But I wanted to.

You know you've lived in London for too long when you go past a petrol station and see that Unleaded is 88.1p per litre, and your first thought is "My God, that's cheap".

Cue all the Americans converting that to $ per gallon and falling over themselves with shock. Well, I approve of high petroleum product prices. In my opinion, the only acceptable reasons for running a car if you live in a city are a) disability that prevents you from using public transport easily or safely, or b) when you have heavy items to transport. I am vaguely flexible about halfsize cars (e.g. Smart) and much keener on hybrid fueled cars, but even then, I believe cars should be communal possessions that you borrow when you need them, rather than the usual form of transport for many people.

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