helen-louise (baratron) wrote,
helen-louise
baratron

  • Mood:

moodswings and roundabouts (part 700-or-something).

I've been in an extremely weird mood all day. I woke up absolutely hyper and spent the first half an hour that I was awake listening to perky syntho-goth pop and jumping around the room to it. Then my mood crashed - not quite through the floor, but still pretty low. So I put the Grand Theft Audio album and "Debaser" by the Pixies on auto-repeat and just played them over and over again until I felt human again. I have a theory that it's impossible to be depressed whilst listening to "Debaser", but the song's only 2 minutes long which means the temporary mood elevation it causes has to be repeated over and over again...

Well, all this took me to 7pm, by which time I was shivering between lack of food and fucked-up circadian rhythms (more joys of my sleep disorder). So I wandered out to buy some chips, ate about half of them, and came home to listen to more music and do stuff online. For some strange reason, I just don't seem to have any interest in food at the moment. I feel nauseous almost all the time, and hungry on and off, but I go into the kitchen and find that I don't actually want to eat anything. I can't even face eating chocolate! But I'm not ill in any other way. It's probably hormonal - everything else seems to be.

I'm obsessing with music at the moment in a way that I haven't for years. I'm not sure why. But it's good for me, I think. Do you ever pick up an old favourite record and get to experience it again as if it was new? I don't very often because most of my old favourites are ingrained in my mind to the extent that if I never heard them again I'd remember them for the rest of my life. Today, I actually managed it.

I haven't listened to Mega City Four in months. I'm not sure why - I think I must have overplayed them a while ago, and since then I've been avoiding them for perkier stuff. Today I found myself drawn to playing "Inspiringly Titled - The Live Album" - and experienced that shiver down the spine that people who live for music get when they find something really special. It had been so long since I'd played it that I'd forgotten how good it is. Wow.

One thing led to another, and I found myself remembering a band called Trousershock BC that I used to follow around when I was a teenager. I haven't played any of their old demo tapes in years, but I still have them. So I dug them out, and I'm listening to them now. As I predicted, the lyrics, chord changes and samples are ingrained in my memory. But I've just realised something else. These songs are so now. They were written, what, 10 years ago? TBC never managed to get a record deal or the fame that they deserved because their stuff wasn't right for the time. But they sound like the sort of stuff that's popular now. What a waste.

So I remain in my strange combination of hyper and melancholy, and remind myself that people take drugs to feel like this. I can't imagine why - I take drugs to stop feeling like this.

"love is fantastic but it can make you feel bobbing
just like those Christmas cards with pictures of robins
and the poor little things have got snow on their feet
and that's cos they're plastic and life's such a cheat"
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