helen-louise (baratron) wrote,
helen-louise
baratron

  • Mood:

yet more mood swings and roundabouts

I'm trying to do some research online, but I can't seem to find what I want. It's most annoying.

I've been in a very strange mood for the past couple of days, and it's been going on for long enough that I'm worried. The only way I can really describe it is to say that I seem to have hypomania and depression at the same time. I'm ridiculously perky, and I keep alternating (every few minutes) between having loads of energy and exhaustion. I feel restless and agitated and completely hyperactive. I get hungry but hardly want to eat anything. My indecision's even worse than ever. On the one hand I'm extremely easily distracted and I have next to no concentration span, yet at the same time I'm getting obsessed by things, like playing the same CD or even the same song over and over again. I keep saying things that other people interpret as non-sequiturs because in between what they've said and my reply, my mind's leapt three stages ahead. And I keep getting terrible fits of random guilt about stupid things (for instance, feeling guilty because I haven't read any newsgroups for a few weeks, and then depressed because I don't actually miss reading news).

I feel as though my moods are cycling between depression and elation every couple of minutes. It's not the first time I've felt like this - a few years ago I remember describing my mood swings and asking the doctor about manic depression (which is what it was called then), and being told my mood swings were far far too frequent to be anything like that. I'm used to very rapid changes of mood, but they're usually only from normal to depressed. Now I'm going from elated to depressed without stopping inbetween, and cycling every few minutes. (Think perk perk perk CRASH.) This scares me, because it's all too similar to how I felt last year when I had some sort of nervous breakdown (then, my moods were cycling from suicidal to high about once a minute, and I really was completely off my head). I can't seem to find anything online about mood swings of this frequency, though. I'm vaguely wondering if it's hormonal, but I can't find anything about that either. Has anyone got any idea what it could be?
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