helen-louise (baratron) wrote,
helen-louise
baratron

  • Mood:

insomnia

I. Am. Braindead.

So, I thought I had a student at 10am today? I have Issues with Mornings. No idea why I agreed to teach someone at that time, except I was already harassed by confusion with the mother's lack of English, and it seemed easier to agree than to try to pitch for a later time. So, around 11.30pm last night, I started making preparations for bed. Got myself organised, bag packed, took the tablet that makes me sleepy normally an hour after I take it. Sat here playing Sims 2 while waiting to get sleepy.

It didn't happen. Was still awake at 1.30am, though I'd had to quit-without-saving in The Sims twice due to braindead stupidity. (It was ok - it wasn't a Challenge family, so I can do that.) Decided that braindead stupidity in The Sims meant I was probably tired enough to go to bed. So I went.

2.30am, I was still awake. Wide awake. Really uncomfortable, too hot one minute, too cold the next - kept getting up and going to the loo in case it was my full bladder keeping me awake. Finally managed to get comfortable and get Richard to stop snoring for long enough for me to fall asleep maybe around 3am.

7.01am precisely, I woke up. And couldn't even begin to get back to sleep, because I knew my alarm would be going off at 8.45am, and I can't sleep if I have to be up at obnoxious o'clock and I'm worried about oversleeping. Did the going to the toilet a lot thing, and tossed and turned inbetween.

8.30am, I finally gave up on trying to sleep, got up and had a shower. By 9.05am, I was actually ready to leave, ravenously hungry, and figured I had enough time to go and buy bread before getting the train. Tired, but so far so good.

9.10am, my phone rang. Due to the aforementioned confusion with the mother's English, it wasn't Monday but Wednesday that the lesson was supposed to be on. Argh. Got undressed, went back to bed.

Lay in bed for a very long time listening to Richard's alarm going off, and Richard telling me "I'm not going back to sleep, I'm awake now" then snoring again minutes later. Finally got him out of bed about 10.30am (I can't sleep if he's late for work, either). Continued not to sleep and seeing the time on the clock at random intervals.

11.55am, my alarm went off. I rolled over in bed, finally comfortable and sleepy, and thought "maybe if I lie here a bit longer and hit snooze the 'falling asleep between snooze repeat' thing will work? It'll be 10 minutes sleep, but that's better than nothing."

12.20pm, the alarm went off again, and I had a thought about a red car with a sticker on the back saying "DRORIS bar (medium)", handwritten by my aunt who can't spell. This thought is so bizarre I can only assume it was part of a dream, but I have no recollection about being asleep. Was someone telling me about a car called Doris at the weekend? Anyway, at that point I had to get up to get to work, sleep be screwed.

So I am exhausted and braindead, and crazily wound up, as only someone with delayed sleep phase syndrome who's had both initial and terminal insomnia in the same night can be. I know full well that, maybe in an hour or so, I'll get sleepy enough that I'll start getting ready for bed, and then suddenly WAKE UP to the extent that sleep is completely impossible, and maybe zonk out around 3 again, if I'm lucky. And you wonder why I try to avoid working in the morning?!
Tags: sleep disorders
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