helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

  • Mood:

busy, busy, busy

An unfamiliar feeling - one I haven't had for so long that I'd almost forgotten it existed.

I went to bed about an hour ago because I was tired, and as I lay in bed my mind drifted, and I found myself writing an article in my head. But instead of becoming less coherent and drifting off to sleep, I found my thoughts beginning to crystallise - to the point where I felt that I would never get any sleep unless I got up to write everything down. I don't remember the last time that I could think this clearly, or the last time that I felt as creative as I have done the past couple of days.

The weekend was slow. Richard was away in Amsterdam, so I was lonely. On Friday night, I felt terrible - my moods were cycling so fast that I was scared, and I just sat up all night doing utterly pointless things online in an attempt not to have to think about anything.At about 10am on Saturday, I called inquis, and she came round with barty at lunchtime, and we went to Wagamama. Then I was finally able to get to sleep. I crashed out at 5pm, and slept until 3pm on Sunday when meeping rang me. I got up to answer the phone and stayed up, but wandered round like a zombie until I realised what the problem was. My body temperature was so low that I couldn't think properly, so I turned on the bathroom heater, had a hot shower and ate warm food. By the time meeping and Peter (who is officially not a real person because he doesn't have a livejournal) came round, I was human again, and we did the usual Sunday night laze around playing games thing.

Richard got back on Monday night, and we had a long cuddle and reconnect. It's good for us to get away from each other from time to time, but it seems to work much better when he stays here and I go somewhere else [because he doesn't feel lonely in the house by himself, but I do, and I don't feel lonely if I'm somewhere else with other friends]. And slowly I've been starting to feel better since. I've been extremely busy doing nothing very important at all - making tapes for mjl and working on my web site. Richard and I went out for dinner this evening with bfo and hatter, and since I've been in I've been writing and manipulating images and putting together html. I'm enormously proud of my new web site.

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