helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

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I have invoices to do. I really hate doing invoices, which is a problem for me being self-employed. I've discovered that my will to live is sucked slightly less if I'm on irc at the same time, as the illusion of company makes me feel supported - but it still isn't enough to stop me getting depressed. I can't listen to music because - even though I have music in my head all the time I'm not actively listening to it, and even though I can focus on my work with music on perfectly well in all other circumstances, I can't when I'm doing accounting as I hate the job sufficiently to use any excuse to procrastinate.

Why do I hate doing invoices? I find them really stressful. By the standards of my mathematical ability, it's extremely simple arithmetic to add up a column of numbers, but I get myself very stressed out by what will happen if i make a mistake. It also stresses me if I add it up twice to check and get 2 different answers and don't know why. Of course, in the real world, what happens if I make a mistake and don't notice is that I overcharge or undercharge someone this month and make it up next month. It's entirely trivial to make that correction. But I worry that a bad invoice would make me look incompetent and this would reflect poorly on my ability to teach science. Yes, I'm aware this is illogical. Cognitive behavioural therapy is a wonderful thing, and I've managed to get rid of a lot of my insecurities and negative thinking that way - but some craziness persists even in the light of logic.

It's really impressive how I manage to procrastinate while doing them. So far I've written one line in my accounts book, chatted on irc for 20 minutes or so, made myself dinner, checked a couple of web comics, and written a livejournal entry. Any excuse at all. Hrm. Like I can't carry on with my invoice because I'm still writing this lj entry. Yes, really! ...

Edit @ 21:23: Reasons I hate invoices part 2: the transliteration of kids' names from Korean into English if the kids haven't chosen an English name. Often, the person at the college who organises the teachers transliterates the kids' names differently from how they themselves do it, so I have Seong Il written on some things and Sung Il on others, and Young Joon versus Young Jun. Also, I don't necessarily recognise Seong Il & Sung Il as the same name, so it's confusing. I actually prefer it when the kids' Korean names are written alongside the English, because while I can't read Korean, I can pattern-match the symbols to see if I've had that particular combination before. (Yes, I am a geek.)

Reasons I hate invoices part 3: having to write over and over again the names of the kids who are little bastards, and being reminded every time how horrible they were, or in some cases still are :P
Tags: cognitive therapy, finances

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