Yesterday's main panic was related to the fact that the doctor's appointment I've booked with my doctor (who is impossible to see at the best of times) was for "Friday 20th March", a date that does not exist. There is a Tuesday 20th March and a Friday 23rd March this year, as well as Friday 20th April. The practice computer says I am due a med review before I can have any more repeat prescriptions, and in addition I need to see my doctor this side of going on holiday. So I was really quite worried that my appointment was actually booked for April. But it isn't, it's on Tuesday. Hooray.
Mostly the fact my anxiety is so fecking bad at the moment and wanting to get referred to someone for it; and to get a copy of my prescriptions and some sort of official letter to wave if US Customs or Immigration ask questions about my prescription meds. There is no way I am travelling into the US without a supply of codeine in case my gall bladder decides to explode (paracetamol/acetaminophen isn't strong enough, and I'm allergic to all NSAIDs, meaning opiates & opioids are the only answer), and codeine is a controlled drug in the US meaning you can't even buy it in low doses over the counter. So I need an official letter on NHS headed paper saying something useful. I'm hoping that when I go to the doctor he'll be aware of this requirement and will know what the letter's supposed to say, because I certainly don't.
I also need to speak to my doctor about the fact I have no functioning allergy medication at the moment, owing to having had to stop taking Beconase or Flixonase a while ago because it damaged the lining of my nose (even though it is supposed to be safe for long-term continuous use). I've never found an antihistamine that did anything for me other than make me slightly numb and dizzy - if any of them do anything to help my allergies, it's news to me. I'm sure some large proportion of my current anxiety is due to the fact that tree sex season has started - and while I'm not terribly allergic to pollen, hay fever on top of my usual dust mite allergy pushes my allergic rhinitis to the point where my nose is inflamed and snotty all the bloody time - and that means it gets blocked in the middle of the night, so I breathe through my mouth, and the carbon dioxide level of my blood drops, so the adrenaline level increases making me more and more anxious. Allergy --> Anxiety, that's me.
I am so tired. Richard is working late this week, so I either have to get takeaway food or make myself dinner, which is something I'm not very good at (I hate cooking for one unless there's someone else hanging out but not eating. I can only cook by myself if I'm doing something elaborate for lots of people. Otherwise I get bored and lonely in the kitchen.) Last night I got Chinese food which cost £12.50 - mixed vegetable soup, szechuan tofu with peppers, pak choi in garlic sauce and steamed rice. Usually that'd last me two meals so it's ok, but yesterday I was so hungry that I ate all of it, then felt guilty for the expense. So tonight is dinner from the freezer - spicy beanburger & low fat chips & frozen veg. Profoundly unadventurous, but a bit more interesting than pasta with tomato sauce.