tiredHaving said that, despite being exhausted, things are happening v e r y s l o w l y. Waking up every day with no expectations beyond getting out of bed and playing some Pokemon has been surprisingly good for me. On Friday I managed to weed the entire front garden - less impressive than it may sound, because our garden is the width of the house x a few feet deep, and is covered with a weed-proof plastic barrier and gravel. But animals rip the weed-proof layer when they come to poo on the gravel, so we end up with green and purple weeds growing inbetween the stones, which looks awful. Now, there are no weeds. The back garden is still infested with an enormous, diseased triffid of doom, but you can't see that from the road so I don't care.
Yesterday I dragged myself into town and bought many strange-to-me food products from the health food shop, then attempted to recreate the burgers from Fresh that I got addicted to in Toronto. The result was not completely authentic owing to the fact I hadn't got all the ingredients, but perfectly nice and edible. (I need to attempt the Fresh mayonnaise too, because I actually liked it, and looking at the recipe it contains almost no oil, so it's acceptable to my evil gall bladder.) I also cleaned half the kitchen and have caused far more worktop space to be available than previously existed, by finding places for things that occupy counter space to live. For example, we don't eat toast very often, so it's pointless having the toaster sitting on the worktop, getting itself full of dust which then smells awful when someone fancies toast and puts it on. Today, I need to find enough energy to wash my hair and attempt to finish the kitchen; and if more energy exists, take the cardboard recycling to the bin in town and/or start on the horrible mess that is the front room. It's possible that I will also make "curried garbanzo filling" (a.k.a. chickpea curry) from the reFresh book come into existence, as I bought the ingredients for it too.
It's frustrating to be operating at around 50-60% of my "healthy" capacity - especially because my healthy capacity is only 50-60% of an actual healthy person's. It's also odd where the barriers are - physical/manual work seems much easier to me than mental/creative work. I have a web site that's been 95% done since April, but I feel as though I can't finish it yet because it's too stressful. I have several stories on the go which should be easy to get done, but I feel as though I have no spare brain to deal with them. I'm sorry to be so... useless and uncommunicative to my friends. Ugh.
