helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

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I'm supposed to be at work...

...so why am I sitting in front of the computer in my pyjamas?

I woke up too early this morning, and rather than getting up I thought "sod it, I'll just go back to sleep until my alarm goes off". Had no trouble falling asleep again, but I dreamt something weird and strange which meant when my alarm went off I woke up shaking and crying. After half an hour of lying in bed clutching a small furry ewok, I was still too damn agoraphobic and panicky to go in, and by then it was too late anyway.

Nightmares are a pain in the arse. I've been having more of them since I dropped my antidepressant dosage down, but I don't think that's the cause. I think it's worry about what's going to happen over Christmas. Since my teens, it's been a nightmare every single year, except last year when we went to spend it with Richard's parents. Although I spent some of Christmas day in hospital (because I had a bad asthma attack and couldn't breathe), it was still a better Christmas than anything I've had with my family in recent years. We'd hoped to do much the same thing this year, but things got complicated because Richard's mum died. *sigh*

Sorry to post something angsty after not having written anything for a while - I didn't mean to clutter up your friends page with moaning. If it helps, you can look at elynne's piss-take of angsty poetry afterwards, and that should cheer you up again.

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