helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

  • Mood:

The internet is for porn.

Had one of those annoying television/broadband/phone package salesmen on the doorstep today. Quite apart from the fact that it was inconvenient because I had a student in the house, we are really not interested in changing our phone company, internet service provider or "energy provider" (gas & electricity). I tried to get rid of him immediately, but unfortunately he was one of those who can't take a hint. And I don't like shutting the door in people's faces, because I was brought up properly, etc.

So we had a surreal conversation in which first he didn't believe that we don't watch television. Then he wanted to know who we got our broadband from. Then he wanted to know if it included porn.

To which my reaction could only have been "!!!".

So I said "We don't download any porn in this household, thank you". Which is true. Richard downloads many photos of sweaty paintballers in "action shots", and videos of machines doing what machines do, and photos of engineers working on their machines, but very few pictures of naked girlies. And the closest I get to porn are the occasional nekkid pictures of friends on their livejournals. Which I'm sure doesn't count, because I actually know them and they're not selling it for money.

So he replied, "No, I mean PORN!". And did the time-honoured, Sims 2-style action of American Sign Language "I love you"/rock fans' METAL!! hand (\m/) held against the ear to indicate a telephone. And thus I realised, belatedly, that he was from one of the ethnicities that pronounce the soft "ph" sound in English as a hard "p".

"Um," I said. "There's a big difference between the phone and porn. And you should really learn that if you're going to go round knocking on people's doors, or you'll seriously offend someone."
Tags: surrealism

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