helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

  • Mood:

beware of the perigee - or is it the apogee? [1]

Currently having incredibly rapid-cycling mood swings. Up and down like a freaking yoyo. Case in point: yesterday at 3.30 pm I was lying in bed, feeling miserable and confused from bad dreams, and in a lot of pain from thrashing around in my sleep. Yesterday at 7.30 pm I was bouncing around the room to loud music, too hysterically crazy to do anything useful. Then I crashed in a giddy, exhausted heap. 

Some kind of mood regulation system would be nice. I believe that normal people are fitted with one by default. Somehow I missed out on that, along with several other features which most of you can take for granted. It wouldn't be so bad if I could get any of my own work done - if the downs weren't so low that I can't function mentally or physically, and the ups weren't so high that I might as well be drunk. But the couple of hours of relative normality seem to fit with the couple of hours when I have to see students, and by the time I'm done with them I'm so very hyper that I can't sit still or concentrate.

I have decided to increase the amount of carbamazepine I take to 400 mg per day. This is what I was supposed to be working up to, anyway, although I seem to remember the instructions involved getting to 400 mg of CBZ and then starting to reduce the venlafaxine. Ah ha ha, like that's a possibility in my current state of anxiety. I'm sure that the week-long migraine and brain freezes would help tremendously with exam revision. I'm already losing words every couple of sentences.

[1] I know what both those words mean. But I'm not sure which is more scary: the lowest low or the highest high. They're both terrifying for different reasons. Wheeeeee *splat*.
Tags: better living with modern pharmacology, bipolar

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