helen-louise (baratron) wrote,
helen-louise
baratron

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sometimes we take chances, sometimes we take pills

So, um... I realised somewhat belatedly that I was manic the whole of last week. That would explain the lack of sleep, the hyperactivity, the super-rapid mood shifts... I don't seem to do pure mania, but I have weird hypomanic mixed states where I oscillate between extreme perkiness and severe anxiety/panic attacks. I'm still not very good at identifying them, because, well... being bouncy/perky must always be good, right? Hmm.

On Friday night/Saturday morning, Something Very Bad happened. The sort of thing that I would never do if I was in proper control of myself. One of those bipolar impulsiveness thing that you start regretting as soon as you're back in your right brain. As a result I had to go out at the crack of dawn on Saturday for emergency medical treatment, with a followup yesterday evening and this afternoon. Yes, I am being deliberately vague about what happened and I want to keep it that way. (Apologies to the terminally nosy :P ).

I think I'm okay now mentally, but I have completely screwed up the exam I did on Monday due to doing no revision because I spent the whole weekend crying. (Three hours quickly skimming notes on Monday morning doesn't really count, does it?). Have obtained a mitigating circumstances form from college and a letter from the doctor to say I was mad, also going to talk to my mental health mentor who probably has a better idea of what to write on the form than I do. Still rather sore physically, and realising that there is Stuff From My Past that I *do* actually need to speak to someone about. Should have asked the doctor today about getting back in the queue for psychotherapy, damn. Kinda had other things on my mind.

Also, my personal tutor is now officially in need of a medal. I phoned him on Sunday night and he spent 20 minutes saying helpful things and being comforting while I cried. ("It's only an exam and your health is more important" being the one that I remember best - I'm often bad at priorities). How exactly do you go about nominating people for things like CBEs and MBEs? He needs some sort of official certification of awesomeness. I wonder if the college has any kind of award for staff who go way beyond the call of duty with regard to student welfare. If they don't, I'll go and moan at my friend in the student union until they come up with something ;)
Tags: aargh, bipolar, college
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