helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

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Nightmares suck!

When I'm depressed, one of my main symptoms is nightmares. All of the anxious thoughts in my subconscious manifest themselves in my sleep, and I have horrible dreams that make me incredibly panicky.

OK. So I understand where nightmares about people very close to me dying come from - that's a fairly obvious anxiety thing: "I love you, so you're going to leave me". When you've been with someone for long enough to know they're not going to suddenly dump you, then obviously the way in which they're going to leave you is to die. Unexpectedly. Of some disease that neither of you knew they had, or being murdered. (This dream of course quadruples in frequency when friends get diagnosed with serious illnesses, or friends of friends die suddenly, or even when there is a news story about a random person getting killed).

But where the hell does a nightmare about one of Richard's friends dying come from? The person in question is someone I like, who Richard is relatively close to - but he really is only an acquaintance to me. So why did I wake up on Saturday upset and needing Richard to check that he was definitely okay? I knew it was "only" a bad dream, but...

And yes, I have dreams that real and upsetting at least a couple of times a week. It's a big part of what makes me non-functional when I'm depressed.
Tags: mental health, triggery stuff

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