helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

  • Mood:

Much happier.

Went to college today. Saw my Disability Mentor, and Steve in the Disability Office. Arranged a meeting to get my Individual Student Support Agreement (ISSA) updated to be relevant to my new course/status. Saw Philip, who was pleased to see me (!), and arranged a proper meeting with him on Friday. Went to a lecture on Organic Synthesis of which I understood absolutely everything, including all the bits that I never understood before. Sat there guessing the answers before he said them, and got them all right - including a bonus bit of nucleophilic addition-elimination which I saw well before he talked about it. Feel like my brain might actually be working again! (The last time I studied organic synthesis in any shape or form was the summer of 1996, so I do feel quite clever).

It's quite amazing how out-of-sorts I've felt in the six months or so between finishing my last piece of formal work for the diploma and starting formal college work again. I've been reading journal papers at home for a couple of months; but there's a gap nonetheless, which no amount of work for money or work by myself can breach. Having some sort of focus, support and direction makes me feel like I have a purpose to my whole life, rather than just existing.

I'm even having a certain amount of sympathy with the student of mine who's resitting A-levels while working part-time in a department store and doing voluntary work to improve her university prospects. I've been annoyed at her for her apparent lack of effort (why spend money on having tutorials if you aren't going to do any work of your own inbetween lessons?). But today I realised how different my own attitude and ability to get on have been at home compared to in college. No longer sure I can blame her for finding it so difficult to get useful work done.
Tags: college

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