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Much happier. - helen-louise
Much happier.
Went to college today. Saw my Disability Mentor, and Steve in the Disability Office. Arranged a meeting to get my Individual Student Support Agreement (ISSA) updated to be relevant to my new course/status. Saw Philip, who was pleased to see me (!), and arranged a proper meeting with him on Friday. Went to a lecture on Organic Synthesis of which I understood absolutely everything, including all the bits that I never understood before. Sat there guessing the answers before he said them, and got them all right - including a bonus bit of nucleophilic addition-elimination which I saw well before he talked about it. Feel like my brain might actually be working again! (The last time I studied organic synthesis in any shape or form was the summer of 1996, so I do feel quite clever).

It's quite amazing how out-of-sorts I've felt in the six months or so between finishing my last piece of formal work for the diploma and starting formal college work again. I've been reading journal papers at home for a couple of months; but there's a gap nonetheless, which no amount of work for money or work by myself can breach. Having some sort of focus, support and direction makes me feel like I have a purpose to my whole life, rather than just existing.

I'm even having a certain amount of sympathy with the student of mine who's resitting A-levels while working part-time in a department store and doing voluntary work to improve her university prospects. I've been annoyed at her for her apparent lack of effort (why spend money on having tutorials if you aren't going to do any work of your own inbetween lessons?). But today I realised how different my own attitude and ability to get on have been at home compared to in college. No longer sure I can blame her for finding it so difficult to get useful work done.

Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful

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(Deleted comment)
barakta From: barakta Date: 6th January 2010 20:46 (UTC) (Link)
Yay for brain workage! I wonder what it would be like to have a body and brain which just worked all the time instead of being 'disabled' and shite...
baratron From: baratron Date: 6th January 2010 21:47 (UTC) (Link)

Random disclosure time

Back when I was trying to write fiction (I haven't entirely given up on the idea, but it's on the back burner pending a LOT more free time and spoons), I realised that I cannot write "normal", able-bodied, healthy characters. I just don't know what they do with all the extra time in their days! How do you live life without having to constantly count spoons? I don't know.

Most of my characters end up having "interesting" medical issues or psychological traumas, because I know how that works.
mjl From: mjl Date: 6th January 2010 21:35 (UTC) (Link)
Glad to hear that :-)
From: pir Date: 8th January 2010 17:36 (UTC) (Link)
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