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Getting back to work. - helen-louise
Getting back to work.
Today I'm trying to get on with my academic work, which is hard because I'm feeling somewhat phobic about the whole thing. The basic problem is that if you don't do any work on a certain topic for a couple of months, you forget everything you'd been doing. And if the reason you haven't done the work is because you've been too ill and brain-fried, the likelihood is that your notes from before you stopped are all over the place.

There is no way on Earth I'm going to meet the deadline of 30th September. My doctor has already agreed to write a letter to support me - I was just holding off on getting it until I knew when I was better. As with all episodes of depression, I'm a little afraid to state "I am better" because it seems like tempting fate, but I feel more able to cope. The problem now is that I'm terrified of how far behind I am. Not only am I supposed to get this first chapter of my thesis done by the end of this month, I'm supposed to have done enough of my research to have started lab synthesis by the end of the year. And it's just not going to happen.

This wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have to face that terrifying panel of people at the end of every year to have them confirm that I'm "allowed" to carry on with the PhD. I don't want to be kicked off the course because I was too ill to function. If they even suggest anything on those lines ("Oh, but it was only your first year, and you've had depression already - how are you going to manage the rest of your course?"), I am going to hit them with the Disability Discrimination Act so Fucking Hard. Tempted to prime the Disability Office now so they know it's a possibility. Hmm.

Right - I have 29 papers here to read, and I should make a start on that. Seeyas later.

Tags: ,
Current Mood: blah blah
Current Music: Myself To Blame - CJ & The Satellites

4 comments or Leave a comment
barakta From: barakta Date: 10th September 2010 20:04 (UTC) (Link)
Sorry to hear things have been sucky.

YES go to disability office now.

I know at my work the sooner I know something sucks the better, I hate it when we only know at crisis point - same for my MH colleagues. Suspect they may be able to reassure you anxiety/panic wise too - possibly even advise on using your academic mentoring to help you get back on track etc etc. Also you probably have the quietest two-weeks for your dis officer before December - so they're likely to be able to talk to you or see you quicker than they might otherwise do.

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barakta From: barakta Date: 11th September 2010 09:57 (UTC) (Link)
Also in my experience at my institution if they want to kick a student off the course they tend to do a couple more rounds of "oh shit we have to tick all the boxes" with disability services before even trying. So your disability officer would have to be involved if you told them you felt you were at risk - so easier now than then too.

Is there anything more DSA could do for you that it isn't currently? Do you now know things you didn't that you need support for?
4 comments or Leave a comment