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The wuzzie is going to Florida. - helen-louise
The wuzzie is going to Florida.
I have been terrible at writing anything in livejournal recently. In some ways I'm feeling better than I was over the summer, in other ways I'm feeling worse. I think my chronic fatigue and associated low grade depression is being replaced with winter allergies, snot, and seasonal affective depression. (Yes, the tag that seems to say "sad" because livejournal lowercases everything is actually SAD. Although SAD makes you sad, so I suppose it works nonetheless).

I will try to update this thing at least with the various posts that I've been meaning to make (over the past few months). But "try" is the active word, because my energy levels are too low for most meaningful communication. I can manage irc most nights, but anything more is difficult. 10 minute phone calls are okay, but not so much the sprawling 45 minute phone call I had this evening with a friend who just wasn't getting "I need to go now" despite very clear direct communication :/

Anyway, Richard is going away first thing in the morning, and won't be back until next Tuesday, so I'm feeling quite anxious about how I'm going to manage. Quite apart from being my partner, he is also my primary carer, and I rely on him a lot more than he realises. Also, I am not the sort of person who can cope with being alone for more than a few hours at a time even when totally healthy - well, as healthy as I get. My mum will be around, but lovely though she is, she tends to be a bit of an energy vampire - which is the last thing I need! And then just to make things REALLY difficult, my sleep patterns are messed up again. I was doing okay on the being awake in the morning and asleep at night until, as ever, I got ill and had to sleep a lot more. Now I'm back to waking up around 5pm and not being able to fall asleep before 7am. ARGH!

I can't decide whether I should try to do chronotherapy to push my sleep patterns back to "normal" for my timezone, or leave myself on this pattern. The argument for pushing it forward is that it'll be easier to be social with local people if I'm awake at more normal times. The argument for leaving it be is that chronotherapy is DIFFICULT even with someone there who can help you arrange food, etc. Trying to do it on my own would probably be A Bad Thing. Plus, a lot of the people I talk to online are either nocturnal like me, or in timezones that are compatible with 1am-4am chatting. I don't know a lot of people who are around from 8pm-11pm.


So if anyone feels capable of providing some company, I'd appreciate it. The house is a really bad tip at the moment, as is typical for people with depression and no spare energy, but if you can cope with that, let me know. I might even be able to drag myself into London some days, it really depends on how my work goes (if it goes).

Tags: , , ,
Current Mood: anxious anxious

8 comments or Leave a comment
the_maenad From: the_maenad Date: 19th October 2010 01:20 (UTC) (Link)
Welll-l-ll it has been WAY too long since I saw you... and I am in effect free most daytimes nowadays...
baratron From: baratron Date: 20th October 2010 23:05 (UTC) (Link)
If only I was awake in the daytime!

But yes, it has been too long. Long enough that I'm not 100% convinced I'd recognise you, if you've changed much. I actually have no idea what is going on with your life...

Maybe Friday? Or Monday?
the_maenad From: the_maenad Date: 21st October 2010 15:16 (UTC) (Link)
Friday isn't too good for me, but Monday is entirely feasible. Shall I come over to you?

I look very much the same as I ever did (see most recent photo userpic on this comment). Most of my focus and energy is going into music and songwriting nowadays -- so be warned, I tend to play my guitar and sing at anyone who holds still enough to listen...
baratron From: baratron Date: 25th October 2010 02:43 (UTC) (Link)

Monday/today by the time you read this.

Well, it'd be nice to see you, but I'm way tired and have work to do :( After months of refusing work for money because I'm behind with my college work, I've got so broke that when a pain in the arse ex-student texted me on Saturday about resuming lessons, I said "OK". Blah.

Also, if you want to do musical stuff, it would be sensible if you visited while Richard is here!
the_maenad From: the_maenad Date: 25th October 2010 13:10 (UTC) (Link)

Re: Monday/today by the time you read this.

Music is strictly optional -- I was just telling you what I'd been up to lately.

But okay. Let's try and organise something. Soon. Spoons permitting.
(Deleted comment)
From: artremis Date: 19th October 2010 21:38 (UTC) (Link)
i'm not really going to be mobile for a few days yet :(
baratron From: baratron Date: 20th October 2010 23:06 (UTC) (Link)
That's okay, I wasn't expecting you to be. Heal well!
8 comments or Leave a comment