helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

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The wuzzie is going to Florida.

I have been terrible at writing anything in livejournal recently. In some ways I'm feeling better than I was over the summer, in other ways I'm feeling worse. I think my chronic fatigue and associated low grade depression is being replaced with winter allergies, snot, and seasonal affective depression. (Yes, the tag that seems to say "sad" because livejournal lowercases everything is actually SAD. Although SAD makes you sad, so I suppose it works nonetheless).

I will try to update this thing at least with the various posts that I've been meaning to make (over the past few months). But "try" is the active word, because my energy levels are too low for most meaningful communication. I can manage irc most nights, but anything more is difficult. 10 minute phone calls are okay, but not so much the sprawling 45 minute phone call I had this evening with a friend who just wasn't getting "I need to go now" despite very clear direct communication :/

Anyway, Richard is going away first thing in the morning, and won't be back until next Tuesday, so I'm feeling quite anxious about how I'm going to manage. Quite apart from being my partner, he is also my primary carer, and I rely on him a lot more than he realises. Also, I am not the sort of person who can cope with being alone for more than a few hours at a time even when totally healthy - well, as healthy as I get. My mum will be around, but lovely though she is, she tends to be a bit of an energy vampire - which is the last thing I need! And then just to make things REALLY difficult, my sleep patterns are messed up again. I was doing okay on the being awake in the morning and asleep at night until, as ever, I got ill and had to sleep a lot more. Now I'm back to waking up around 5pm and not being able to fall asleep before 7am. ARGH!

I can't decide whether I should try to do chronotherapy to push my sleep patterns back to "normal" for my timezone, or leave myself on this pattern. The argument for pushing it forward is that it'll be easier to be social with local people if I'm awake at more normal times. The argument for leaving it be is that chronotherapy is DIFFICULT even with someone there who can help you arrange food, etc. Trying to do it on my own would probably be A Bad Thing. Plus, a lot of the people I talk to online are either nocturnal like me, or in timezones that are compatible with 1am-4am chatting. I don't know a lot of people who are around from 8pm-11pm.


So if anyone feels capable of providing some company, I'd appreciate it. The house is a really bad tip at the moment, as is typical for people with depression and no spare energy, but if you can cope with that, let me know. I might even be able to drag myself into London some days, it really depends on how my work goes (if it goes).
Tags: allergies suck, chronic fatigue, disability, sad

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