helen-louise (baratron) wrote,
helen-louise
baratron

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also, for records

Right now, the biggest cognitive issue I'm having is SEVERE very-short-term memory loss. You know when you go to another room to get something and by the time you get there you've forgotten what it was? That. Only all the time, and in all contexts.

I can be sitting online, see a word I don't understand or a journal that I want to look up, switch to another tab in order to do that - and by the time I've moved my mouse into the other tab I've forgotten what it was that I was going to look up. That rapid a memory loss.

I can be playing my favourite video game and want to look up details of how to do one of the quests. By the time I've got to GameFAQs (two clicks on my mobile phone, the specific faqs I need are in my Bookmarks) I've forgotten what I was going to do. Not only which quest number, but everything about it (which town it's in, which character or weapon it involves, which type of monster needs to be found) - and sometimes even that it's a quest I need to look up and not a treasure map or an alchemy recipe.

Cooking from scratch isn't something I'm able to do very much because I can't stand for long enough for most dishes, and not everything can easily be done sitting down. But in addition I lose my place in recipes constantly, so it takes twice as long to make something as it should. The only thing I can make reliably right now is my peanut butter soup, because I've made it often enough that I can do it on autopilot without any conscious thought.

You could suggest making a list, but - I forget what I'm supposed to be putting on the list! If I can't follow a recipe, which basically is a list of premade steps, then it's pretty damn hard to be trying to make my own lists.

Am I ready to go back to college? I don't know. I feel basically well enough to be there, apart from this. Frankly, I'm not safe to be in a lab without constant supervision. But for work that doesn't involve a lab? Will my memory get better as I use it more? Will it get better as I keep taking the vitamin D? Hmm.
Tags: chronic fatigue, college
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