helen-louise (baratron) wrote,
helen-louise
baratron

  • Mood:

There must be a better way to phrase this.

Hmm. I've caught myself overusing a word, and I'm not sure how to avoid it. Have a snippet from my current work in progress:

Despite wanting to be respectful, I couldn't let that comment slide. "So worried that you didn't even see that he was injured?"

"What?" gasped Jauffre. "Injured? Is he all right?"

"He lost quite a bit of blood, but he should be fine in the morning." I didn't add "No thanks to you". That would have been childish.

"I didn't even notice..." The monk was now quite concerned. Unwilling to torment an elderly man, even one who irritated me,...


Yes, I have somehow used the word "even" three times in a very short passage.

Are there any synonyms for "even" in this context? I did look in a thesaurus, but couldn't find anything... since I'm not even sure (ho ho) what part of speech "even" is in this context. Is it the adverb meaning "not merely this but also"? I think it is, but the synonyms given for that are all useless: indeed, nay, truly, verily, yea.

Any ideas? Go ahead and rip the passage to shreds, I'll try not to be upset. This is only the first draft anyway and I'm not hugely married to these words yet.
Tags: fiction, writing
Subscribe

  • Today is a Good Day

    Today I received a letter (re-)awarding me Disability Living Allowance until September 2018, or until they decide it's time to make me apply for…

  • Stupid brain.

    Dear brain, It is not sensible to write angsty email to my ex-girlfriend at 6 am when I need to be awake at 12. I've been procrastinating it for the…

  • Advice needed: Wedding rings.

    I need opinions. I "don't like rings". (This is very possibly a psychological hangup from a previous failed relationship, since as an ethical…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 8 comments