helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

  • Mood:

Need to stop writing, start working.

Apparently my brain is still stuck in NaNoWriMo mode. Yesterday I wrote 2008 words of a brand new story. Today, a further 2554 words. Alarmingly, I wasn't even expecting the whole thing to be more than 2000 words, but I now reckon it'll be closer to 6000. Very odd.

I am clearly much less ill than I have been. On Saturday I went out to meet complete strangers in the pub: one of the London "end of NaNoWriMo" parties. Frankly the only reason I could even contemplate it was that I'd been to that pub before and knew it was accessible. Was anxious as all hell before getting there. The stupid bus driver failed to notice that I'd hit the "stop requested" button, so went past the stop I wanted - but that was actually GOOD, because it meant I got off by a load of shops, and bought mints, which helped with the anxiety-nausea. I spoke to maybe 7 or 8 people out of the 30 or 40 that were there, which I guess is success. There was one girl almost exactly the same age as me who'd also written fanfic, and we got on really well.

This is kinda amazing because for the past 6 weeks or so, I've been basically a hermit - so introverted that even being around Richard was too much sometimes. Introversion isn't a problem if it's the way your brain is naturally wired, but for me it's a sign of serious depression. I usually need a certain amount of human contact to function. Now I have to contact all the friends I've been neglecting (or they can contact me, if they read this). I must also be better since lately I've been woken up by my stomach, rather than sleeping way past hunger - sometimes to the point where I then don't wake up because my blood sugar is too low. I guess this shows that the med increase is working, because I'm back to behaving like me again. Still don't feel absolutely perfect, though.

Also I need to seriously reboot my brain back into "work" mode. I've been neglecting everything due to anxiety and/or no functioning brain. Really not sure how to do that.
Tags: mental health, nanowrimo, writing

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