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T minus 10 hours. - helen-louise
T minus 10 hours.
So, tomorrow I have the viva (oral examination) for my upgrade report, which I am looking forward to about as much as anyone with anxiety would.

"Normal people" come out with comments like "Everyone gets anxious about exams". And I'm not saying that they're wrong. However a person without the actual psychological condition called anxiety is highly unlikely to get into a state where they can't function because they've lost one specific notebook, and it's 5 am, and they've been looking for an hour, and their partner is urging them to give up and work on something else in the meantime. And - get this - they even have all of the information contained in that notebook in other notebooks which aren't lost.

But they can't stop looking because there's a misfiring neuron in their brain which won't let them concentrate on anything else except the fact that the notebook is lost and so they don't have the material to look over and so they're going to fail the exam.

Yeah. That's just not a thing which happens to people who don't have anxiety. Parts of it, maybe. But the whole irrational chain of catastrophe? No.

It actually turned out not to be the end of the world at all because in rewriting the notes, I realised something that I hadn't worked out before, and now if they ask about it tomorrow I'll be prepared. But I could have done without that sort of episode of stress.

I feel fairly prepared now, but I don't like the idea of the time I need to get up in the morning. The exam is at 1.30pm, so I need to be on the 11.48 am train to make sure I have loads of time in case of, I dunno, snow. I REALLY don't think it's going to snow but my mother insists it's on the forecast, so getting up super-early in case the trains are more screwed up than usual it is. Urgh. My hair feels absolutely horrible but I do not have the spoons to wash it. It's do the exam with dirty hair or have clean hair and be too tired to function. Really, they are not examining me on my hair.

In related news, it turns out that the reason why my Department hasn't been following my Individual Student Support Agreement (ISSA) for the past year-and-a-bit was because they didn't have it. Somebody screwed up. I even know who the somebody was, but it's pointless yelling about it now. However, that was a big load of stress on Tuesday which I didn't need! The College is now using something else instead of an ISSA so I have to make an appointment with the Disability Office to get that sorted out, but not before tomorrow.

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Current Mood: stressed stressed

2 comments or Leave a comment
barakta From: barakta Date: 30th January 2015 11:50 (UTC) (Link)
Hoping you are on your train and you get there early enough to go and have a nice drink somewhere first.

Prod me if you want ideas for viva adjustments that we are doing for our studes - cos we have quite a range including ones to help people with anxiety feel less anxious IN the viva.

Grrr re ISSA. We have similar issues all the time. Problem is how to share info confidentially AND widely and keep the latest version (I have studes on version 5+) we're having a review of the whole thing done "externally" at the moment probably for the cost of what one of us could be paid for 2 years but whatever... Hope M your dis officer is able to untangle the issues and get it properly implemented. I always give studes copies of their "SSA" in our place (except A is advice not agreeement but everyone calls it agreement anyway) so they can wave it in faces and if the dept don't have *that* version then it might just might get flagged up earlier... But it is a complete fucking nightmare and more complex for postgrads where there isn't a set teaching staff, it's random 'supervisers' of hugely varying "organisational" and indeed "communication" ability (and willingness to give a shit).

Anyway, hope you rock the viva and can get home tonight and chill in the ways which work for you.
thekumquat From: thekumquat Date: 30th January 2015 13:35 (UTC) (Link)
Good luck with it all.
2 comments or Leave a comment