helen-louise (baratron) wrote,

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feel like shit thanks to too much shit

A stream of consciousness rant - I need a new stomach. This is on top of the new lungs I asked for last week, and the better brain chemistry I've been wanting forever.

This is officially Not Fair: I had a cheese omelette on Saturday night along with about 1/3 of a milkshake. I took TWO lactase enzyme tablets. I avoided dairy all of yesterday. And I still have terrible diarrhoea and stomach cramps today. Earlier today I managed to shit on my bed. That's how bad it is. My stomach hurts, I feel uncomfortable, bloated and sore, and on top of that I am nauseous as hell. It does not help at all that it's a baking hot night. 4am, I have only the bare minimum of lightbulbs on (and they're all low energy at that), the windows as wide as they go, and I'm sitting in a vest and a pair of knickers (don't dare sit naked in case I can't get to the bathroom in time) baking, drenched in sweat, nauseous and ill.

Damnit, damnit, damnit - this dairy thing is getting ridiculous. It looks like I might have to cut it out of my diet completely. At the moment, I'm clinging to eggs as the one last animal product I can eat (I stopped being able to digest meat years ago) and I'm sick of having to check, check packets all the time and make most of my meals myself with raw ingredients rather than being able to buy ready meals occasionally and not be able to eat things I'm desperately craving. Sainsbury's, bless their souls, not only have the wonderful vegan Dairy-Free spread that tastes like butter and can be used for frying and baking as well as spreading, but have just started doing dairy-free vegetarian chocolate ice cream that actually tastes almost like ice cream. But I've run out :(

That's actually the worst thing - while a lot of people I know have allergies, some of them anaphalaxic ones, most of the things people are allergic to aren't heavily marketed. I'm not doubting it's awful to start wheezing and itching from eating fruit, and how scrupulous you have to be when your reaction's that bad - but fruit isn't heavily marketed as a luxury item. Dairy products are everywhere - cream, butter, cheese, ice cream - especially in this weather. On TV, in the newspapers, on billboards - everywhere there are adverts pushing some dairy product that I can't eat. And it makes me feel left out - especially as I love these foods. But when I do eat them, I end up crying in pain two days later. It's not fair, and I hurt, and if this keeps on I'm going to have to get tested for IBS to see if I have that as well as everything else that's wrong with me. Doctors (apart from my own GP, who is wonderful) already don't believe that I have half the medical conditions I do.

Did I mention already that every fucking tablet I take has lactose as its base? It's a simple sugar without much taste and doesn't affect diabetics - so it's used as the base of something like 75% of medicines, conventional and alternative alike. Just one of my antidepressants makes me shit like there's no tomorrow, and I have to take between 3 and 6 of them per day. Oh joy, joy, happy joy.

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